A Bittersweet Second
Two years ago, this fashion blog sprouted out of my boredom and a little nudge in the right direction from my sister.
This post was going to be about what extravagant presents I’d love to receive for my 2nd ‘Blogiversary’, but I just couldn’t seem to write that because in truth there is only one impossible present I truly want and, unfortunately, will never get.
I’ve thought of writing about this for the past two months, but I haven’t exactly been able to find the words to say it. I’m also not even sure if I should, or even want, to be writing about this, but as I have said before, its my blog. So, here I go.
A little over two months ago, my sister, Blythe Ashleigh died of what is called Sudden Unexpected Death in Epilepsy (SUDEP). It was the most terrify, surreal moment of my life, and I still find myself forgetting I don’t have to pick her up from the train station every now and then.
I’m not writing this for sympathy or empathy. Hearing people tell me how sorry they are is becoming one of my biggest pet peeves. The fact is, she was 23, caring, smart, hilarious, and beautiful— things like that aren’t supposed to happen to people like her, but when they do, you tend to change.
Blythe was always my champion even when she didn’t completely agree, but now I have to be my own champion. I have to be strong for myself and fight my own battles. I have to make my life what I want it to be without her pushing me and telling me not to be scared. Pink Rock Candy wouldn’t be in existence without Blythe telling me to write about fashion if I can’t actually study it in school. The initial plan was for both of us to write, but she was always too busy being a grown up to sit a computer for hours and fiddle with a blog. Even without writing she read it everyday, she loved it because I loved it, and she was constantly informing me of my grammatical errors. I’d scoff at her about nit-picking, and then rush to a computer to fix them. Now, PRC seems like the last thing we still have together, the last thing that will forever be ours.
I don’t know if there is an afterlife. I don’t know if she’s watching over me or some other family member. I don’t even know what to feel half the time. But, I do know Blythe always wanted people to follow their dreams, and would stop at nothing to help them accomplish their goals. And, I do know that in some weird way, this blog has become “part of my dreams.” Writing PRC is part of my long-term plan, and being as fickle as I am, I know Blythe would be proud that I’ve stuck with this for two years and don’t see myself stopping any time soon.
Two years ago, two sisters started this blog, only one sister truly wrote in it, but two hearts will forever be behind every word.
